: a process or manner of healing of incised wounds

Intention for week of July 4:

Love has no expiration date

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Expecting

JULY INTENTION

Accept myself for what and who and how I am now, whatever that really is...

{The truth can never come from outside of me...but must come from what is real and true for me, even if inconvenient or not what I wish.}

Painting "Potbelly" by Claudia Fernety 

www.claudiafernety.com

"The wise Cancerian instinctively grasps that noninterference is usually the best kind of nurturing. To simply give something space to develop, in its own time and way, into whatever it’s intended to be, rather than hovering over it attentively. Just provide essential support – food, water, air, security detail, a womb – and it will eventually find its way to whatever form it was designed to take."
(from Big Sky Astrology)

~

July 1 Solar Eclipse in Cancer

"Eclipses herald change, and many of us have found ourselves careening from crisis to crisis – insecure about access to life’s essentials, flapping our wings in perturbation, frantically looking for ways to make ourselves feel safe, and to bend the world to our will. Kicking back and letting nature take its course has not felt like an option.

"...Each eclipse represents a turning point, where beginnings and endings merge. At this solar eclipse, seeds you planted long ago are bearing fruit. With this eclipse point square Saturn, be prepared to work hard for your harvest, but don’t overreach for what isn’t ripe. Bite into a piece of fruit and let the seeds fall into the rich loam of your heart, to incubate until the next Capricorn/Cancer harvest, nine years from now. And as the landscape of your life rushes by – like scenery from the window of a cross-country train – take time from your labors to sit and rest, and watch it go by for awhile. After all, it’s summer, and you’re expecting. Don’t move too quickly. Don’t interfere."
(Full article here.)

"This eclipse marks a break and release point that will provide much growth, but we must be willing to release what no longer serves us."
(via My Astro Chris)

I want burning

Sometimes I want to sink into the hot molten core of my aloneness

and disappear into that burning.

From deviantART

...That broken-open lowliness is the Reality, not the language. 

Forget phraseology. I want burning, burning.

Be Friends
with your burning, burn up your thinking and your forms of expression...

When you eventually see through the veils to
how things really are, you will keep saying
again and again, "This is certainly not like
we thought it was!"

- Rumi, "Moses and the Shepherd" 

 Frida Kahlo, The two Fridas, 1939

what do you do
when what you want
and what you say you want
are two different things?

**

i am calling forth my whole heart. no part left out, no space reserved or hidden. nothing sealed off to the past or the present. i am letting the fear bleed out, and singing myself whole.

The joy of death

 From http://elenakalis.carbonmade.com/projects/2170790#6

That Quick

A lover looks at creekwater and wants to be
that quick to fall, to kneel, then all
the way down in full prostration.

A lover wants to die of his love
like a man with dropsy
who knows that water will kill him,
but he can't deny his thirst.

A lover loves death. Spill your jug
in the river! Your shame and fear
are like layers covering coldness.

Throw them off, and rush naked
into the joy of death.  

- Rumi

The fiction is that there is someone here writing, a breath I can control, a mind feeding me words. The truth is that I drowned two days ago, so thirsty for You that I sought the riptide and went under, spiraling to my death in an ecstatic underwater ballet that I'd spent my life rehearsing. I was clinging to You while letting go of You, my life raft and my anchor, upside-down with longing as my body emptied of resistance, undulated with the waves, and went limp.

I had been begging for You to kill me. Orchestrating my own annihilation. I handed You the instruments, the weapons, the arsenal - pleading in code for my demise. Please relieve me of me. Release my spirit. Be my undoing.

I have now only the lightest veil of innocence to cover me. I carry this sheath only to house Your desire. There are footprints scattered in every direction, and they all lead back to You. And You are at the cliff, the waterfront, the opening, the void. If this is a trick, then I am tricked. If there is ground, then I will crash. But if there isn't...if I am tossed and turned in the waves, filled and emptied and filled again, if I am lifted and lowered with the rise and fall of Your breath which breathes me, so that I may never misbelieve again in my own illusion...

I am the ooh and the ahhh of freedom.

Encapsulate.

The irony is that even as I am "getting it," seeing clearly what it is I'm doing, what takes over, I continue to reach for the shiny apple of illusion. I have heard and heard and heard "I am not my body," and have never really heard it. The Bhagavanad Gita says something like the man who is awake to his senses remains asleep. Meaning, those who are controlled by sense-gratification are hooked in the dream. I have seen this from both sides: marveled at that glazed beastly look that comes over someone when "it's the food on your lips with which it's in love" (FA), and been the one insisting that I need to be satiated, will do what it takes -- at the expense of anyone or anything -- to get my fix.

BG 2.69: ... The man, who is engaged in satiation of the senses, lives his life in the nights of darkness and ignorance; and is not awake to the reality of the soul or Truth. The ignorant man "walks the nights"...

[Pleasure seekers are the "night walkers."]

There is a void opening up, and it's not the good kind. It's the black hole that sucks up all the detritus of the universe, mixes it together to make homogeneous matter, spits out carbon copies of women making babies, coitus without connection, suburban doors closed against reality. I feel very fortunate to have the clear choice, in this day and age, to make or not make children. As compelling as that fantasy can be, I still see it very much as one more -- very strong -- hook into the dream. The cult of domesticity.

I'm not sure what I'm saying anymore. I want to sail on. I want to disappear. I want I want. I want to have and not to have. I want to be and to have. Etre et avoir.

*

So I am doing reverb10.